Why they do what they do: AD and the person

There have been several requests and questions about what some people call "behaviors". It is not fashionable to use that term, so we will use the phrase "why they do what they do" or WTDWTD. That is probably too confusing!! Oh well!

Tonight we are going to discuss the foundation of the WTDWTD. The first, but not the only reason, we do what we do is inside our heads. The foundation of what we do is literally found deep in the center of the brain, specifically in the Amegdela. This small little "nub" is found at the tip of the Hipocampus and is the seat of the of our "emotions" or that which makes us who we are. This is most times, intact until the day we die. With a bit of diligence, consistency and understanding we can access this place. We will discuss "how" at another time.

If you follow us over time, you will recognize that a reoccurring theme with Mom, is her desire to "look great". Whether it was her weight, her dress, or her home, she wanted the "wow" factor. The following story is one of the first times I became aware of this trait and I now know it is part of Mom's WTDWTD.

We were not wealthy people. My Mom made many of my clothes as I was growing up. She was a wonderful seamstress. One Christmas when I was about 10 years of age, Mom made me a beautiful baby blue taffeta dress and I adored it. It was then announced that I had a solo song in the School Gala which was a highlight of the season in the small town in which we lived. I guess she thought I needed an even more special dress. The next Saturday she took me to the local department store, which we rarely frequented. She picked out the most beautiful and I am sure the most expensive dress of pink organza and black velvet and purchased it for me. I felt like a princess!! To this day I do not know where she found the money, but I have been eternally grateful!!

Every day, I pick out mom's clothes becuase I know that is important to her even now. Mom can no longer make choices, but it is important to her to approve the clothes for the next day. Some days when I ask her what she thinks of the outfit, she will ask "do you think Delores would approve"? Some days I tell her I think Delores approves and other days I tell her that I picked it out so I approve. I do this in a non confrontational, supportive manor. Based on what I know about the research, and the most success approaches, I try not to correct her or talk to her in "reality orientation" way. I underswtand it is all part of Mom's WTDWTD.

In using this approach our visits rarely become argumentative. I can honor her asking how her hair looks or her very frequently asking how much weight I have lost. Each of these are done numerous times. Because I understand this is just part of who she is, I can love her for it.

Thanks for joining us and may God hold you in the palm of her hand.