When I was with Mom one day last week she said to me I want to go "home". Now this is one of the first time she has said this in several years, infact it seemsed she thought of her facility as "home". It would have been easy to have said "no Mom, you live here." Instead, I said I love you Mom and kissed her on the hand. This small distraction caused her to smile and say "Kiss me on the cheek, please, not the hand, which I promptly did.
It is important to keep in mind there is a great deal of research on the use of "no". It is the single most negatively charged word in the English language. If I had used the first response, "no Mom, you live here", it would have created a negative response, both physically and emotionally. Mom may have gotten upset, become teary eyed or demanded, again to go home. Often times trying to get the person with Alzheimer's or other dementias into our "reality" or our world is not only futile, but upsetting to the loved one. Instead, mom had something else to focus on, the kiss, location of the kiss. This approach brought a smile and some sense she had control-my cheek not my hand" After the kisses on the check, she promptly said I love you. A very differant outcome than it could have been. Thinking of this and using this approach can make your life easier, your loved one happier and the world a more ordered pleasant place. In the world of Dementia this is a gift from the Angels!!
May God keep you in the Palm of Her hand!!
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