Mom's Passing-Grief and More

It has been a month since Mom passed. I believe the transition to life without Mom has provided several life insights which I want to share with all of you. Before I do that, I want to pass on some of the things Mom did to help make this new phase of our lives easier. Mom had a very nice list of things which she wanted at her wake and funeral. Items she specified which were very helpful such as what hymns she wanted at her funeral mass: "Old Rugged Cross" and the prayer she wanted on her wake card. She also specified pallbearers and people she wanted to read at her funeral. She also prepared an outline for her Obituary. These do not seem large, listing them now, but did feel huge and extremely comforting when she passed. To know these are items she chose and we could now carry out on her behalf was immensely straightening for us. I was so grateful that I did something similar, as a gift for my sons. They of course will not truly appreciate it until my death as I did not truly understand the value of having these things specified, until Mom passed. Now on grief, I know you can never predict how you will react to your grief. I was so very fortune to have my brother here with me for a week after Mom's passing. We had many hours to talk, laugh and sometimes cry. We went through her clothes, her jewelry and the several collections she had of bells, angels and crosses. None of this put me into a grieving place. The one thing which hit me so very hard, was cancelling her Charter cable account. Go figure!! My wonderful husband finally asked me if he could go ahead and do the cancellation. Because it was in my name, he needed me, however, to give verbal permission. After simply saying yes, I was put into a long crying bout and several hours of solitary grieving. I now understand much better what I have heard grief counselors say for years. "You will not be able to see into the future and know how you will react." There is nothing fair, consistent, or reasonable about how you grieve. I do truly believe Mom is in a better place. She looked very much at peace. It was her time and she was ready. My tears are probably for me more than for Mom. I do miss her, but it would be selfish for me to wish her back. I saw her everyday, so there is a big hole left by her passing. I know that my largest task now is to create a new "normal" in my life. One of the grief counseling guides given to by Hospice reminded me "the way out of grief is through it" It is now part of my journey and I am ready to embrace it. Thanks to everyone for all the kind words, support and prayers. Life goes on. May God keep you in the palm of Her hand.