Communication and Storytelling-Remembering Mom

With Mom being gone, life is full of adjustments. There are many reminders anything from continuing to go through her boxes of memorabilia to the occasional Blackberry reminders which pop up even though I have supposedly erased all the invites, the reminders continue. In going through one of her boxes I found a little poem about kisses. It must have been one of her favorites, but I never knew. It did remind me of a little interaction a few months before she passed. I got back in town when dinner was almost done so I came over and kissed her twice on her forehead as her mouth was full of food. "Well" she said "that was a double one". Now I have no idea what that meant or what she intended it to mean, but I tried to just go with it. "Yes" I said back to her, "I guess it is double trouble." She laughed and I proceeded to tell her about my day. I got a chuckle and we just went on.

Communication with people who have dementia can vary from being difficult to being VERY difficult. Whether it is someone who talks very little, to someone who talks a great deal but their word are entirely gibberish, they all present a real challenge. The best advise is do the best you can. Often it is about just picking out one word and going with it. There was some research from Duke University which indicates the most important element in communication is doing it. There is a natural tendency to talk less as our loved one talks less. The research indicates we do need to do exactly the opposite. We can talk about their history, your day your history or even the movie you saw over the weekend. A couple of years ago I was presenting to a Hospice group about this concept, and a young woman in the back raised her hand and said "I couldn't do that as I saw "Avatar" last weekend and it has blue people in it." I had to chuckle, but responded "well you are talking to an Irish woman, and we have had green people for hundreds of years." We all laughed, but the reality is "just doing" it is what is important. Just talking, creates a sense or normality, a sense I still count. Even if there is no response, the previously mentioned research showed that if the one way communication is carried out, there were more smiles and fewer behaviors over the next several hours. It DOES make a difference. Difficult as it is, continuing to carry on the one way discussion-becoming a storyteller-is great for our loved ones and in many ways good for us also. Do what you can. It gets easier as time goes on.

May God keep you in the palm of Her hand.