Wednesday, April 29, 2009

It's your Choice

I was traveling for several days a few weeks ago. When I returned, I came into the assisted living home that Mom is in. After saying hi, I gave her a big kiss and said "I missed you Mom" and then gave her another kiss. Mom then looked at me and said "You kiss just like my daughter, Delores."
At this point I had two choices. I could have chosen to be devastated and could have said to my self "she has certainly deteriorated in the days I was gone." Secondly I could have chosen to say to myself "Wow how wonderful I have such a memorable kiss!!" I chose to view her commentary through my "Rosy" lenses and believe the later. I also got a big belly laugh by using that interpretation
My experience as a caregiver has often times felt like a roller coaster. As family members and friends of someone with Alzheimer's Disease, we all have a choice as to the lenses we use to view this type of experience. Mine has a rosy "glow" to it. What lenses and the color of the lenses we use is our choice. It however is not a one time choice, but a daily choice. This daily choice, however, makes all the difference in the interactions we have with our loved ones. Its up to us.

Thanks for joining us and may God hold you in the palm of her hand.
This is my Mom Helen.

Upon returning from a recent trip, I walked into her assisted living facility and after greeting her I gave her a kiss. I then told her I missed her and gave her another kiss. She looked at me and said you are a sweet heart. She paused and said "you kiss just like my daughter, Delores."

In that situation I had two choices. First I could have been devastated and felt like I was responsible for her declining over the last few days which I was gone. Secondly I had the opportunity to say to myself how wonderful that I have such a memorable kiss! I decided to look at it as the latter. She remembers my kiss and that is grand!!

In my experience, the caregiver role for the family can be quite the roller coaster. I have found humor and irony an effective lenses that can give a healthy "glow" to our interactions. We all have a choice in the lenses we take, however it is not a one time choice. It is a daily choice. Each choice however determines the interaction for the rest of the time we spend with our loved one.