This is my Mom Helen.

Upon returning from a recent trip, I walked into her assisted living facility and after greeting her I gave her a kiss. I then told her I missed her and gave her another kiss. She looked at me and said you are a sweet heart. She paused and said "you kiss just like my daughter, Delores."

In that situation I had two choices. First I could have been devastated and felt like I was responsible for her declining over the last few days which I was gone. Secondly I had the opportunity to say to myself how wonderful that I have such a memorable kiss! I decided to look at it as the latter. She remembers my kiss and that is grand!!

In my experience, the caregiver role for the family can be quite the roller coaster. I have found humor and irony an effective lenses that can give a healthy "glow" to our interactions. We all have a choice in the lenses we take, however it is not a one time choice. It is a daily choice. Each choice however determines the interaction for the rest of the time we spend with our loved one.