Flashes of Mom:Hope Springs Eternal

Yesterday morning, I went to visit Mom for breakfast. She has had her Alzheimer's med patch reduced slightly as she was feeling "ill" on and off and this could be a side effect of the med. She weighs 91# and it is recommended to reduce the med for people who are under 100#. I have been trying to systematically visit at different times of day to see if her level of awareness, functioning, behaviors were getting better, worse or staying the same. We both had finished breakfast and were going to do her walking for the day. I brushed off her slacks where some of her scrambled egg had fallen. She looked at me with twinkle and said, "so you are giving me the big brushoff"!! We both had a good laugh and my heart sang. It was a flash of the Mom I have know for almost 64 years!! Hope springs eternal, but hopefully does not delude me or trick me into a "false" sense of hope.

Since I do this dementia work day in and day out at Harbor House, I understand this "flash" is just that, a "flash". I also understand this is a very temporary improvement in Mom's functioning. I also believe I should just enjoy the humor and enjoy Mom for the day. One of the reasons this disease can be so devastating is that these flashes can trick us into thinking that this new level will be a permanent state. If we can only enjoy the moment, enjoy the humor, enjoy the flash, but not be tricked into thinking it is permanent, we will be all the better for it.

Again let's enjoy the humor, the humanity, the momentary return of our loved one. Because Alzheimer's Disease is progressive and will eventually take our loved one, it is good to celebrate the joy of the moment. This joy, no matter how brief or how fleeting, is there, if we want to grab on to it, even if it is only a quick flash. The best advise I give myself and I would give you the readers, is ENJOY, but do not try to hang on to it. Hold the joy in your heart and forget what you can of the terrible devastation of the disease. In the long haul, your mom, dad, husband or loved one is the same person and should remain in your heart, the person you have known all these years, not what the disease has turned them into. Love them, cherish them and enjoy what you can. Again this is not easy, but with a bit of grit and determination you can hold the true person in your heart.

May God hold you in the palm of Her hand.

"I Love You" and other Alzheimer's Positives

When I contemplated doing a Blog and feature my Mom, about a year ago, I discussed the idea with her, at the level I thought she could understand. When she said that it was a good idea, I asked her what I should write about. She looked me right in the eye and said "tell them we love each other." I need to remind everyone reading this Blog that I grew up hearing "I love you" very sparingly' not because my parents did not love us, but in the 50's this was said out loud much less than we now say it; just a sign of the times. It was very "cool" to hear Mom choose that topic.

That was a year ago, and Mom has progressed in her disease, but it gets even better. Now if things aren't going well, I can put on a big smile and and look at her squarely and in a few seconds she will say, "I love you". I never thought I would have a instant way to get my "love fix." Now I will say, Mom says "I love you" to others, not infrequently.

I could get bummed out about this, but, I have chosen to look at it as "Mom has a lot of love to go around, and after all I know she really does love me." The other question is why does she do this. Of course, we cannot know exactly why someone with Alzheimer's disease, does what it is they do. We cannot ever know why anyone does what they do, but there are a few clues. Mom always loved being the "healer", loved being the person that others "feel good." I believe this is her attempt to make me feel good, feel loved. Even though Mom is quite debilitated her basic personality is showing through in this gesture. This is often true in the behaviors of people with Alzheimer's. Their basic personality shows through if we are patient enough and creative enough to figure it out. I would encourage everyone to find the patience and creativity to do this, it is very rewarding.

Thanks, good night and may God hold you in the palm of Her hand.